Ouch and Eww and Oh.

Other than bleeding following the D&C, I haven't had any blood. Nothing yesterday, nothing today.

I have, however, had some incredible cramps. Odd cramps. Painful cramps. But nothing constant - they come in waves... some strong waves that brought tears to my eyes and a queasiness to my belly yesterday.

Apparently that's why the doc prescribed some pain meds.

This morning, on the other hand, I'm not feeling crampy but I am having some odd discharge which is weirding me out a bit. It's not blood, it's not cervical mucous - I don't think. It's like little bits of something. It's fucking gross and it's making me wonder if it's part of something.

:(

Other than physical stuff going on, I'm feeling pretty good. I really think last week prepared me for the Wednesday's "event."

I guess.

A part of me really feels bad for not feeling worse about what happened, but what else can I do about all of this?

I was pregnant - and for that I'm incredibly grateful. It means that everything worked for us and I know it also means it will work again for us.

Hopefully sooner than later.

I used to be freaked out about my age - I'll be 36 next month! But again, what the fuck can I do about that? Nothing.

There's things in my life that are completely out of my control at this point, and that means I need to work on letting those things go and focus on what I can change, what I do have some control over.

That being said, it's time to get positive again... time to start *believing* again.