Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Into the Fire

I told my mom last night about the miscarriage. I asked that she not tell anyone about it, and also that she not reveal to anyone that we're trying to conceive. I barely shed a tear when I told her. In fact, the only tears that started forming was when I started talking about Stephen's amazing support during the process.

I mean, sure, your spouse is supposed to be supportive and caring and nurturing during a traumatic event such as a D&C, but there's something about Stephen that really and truly makes me believe I'm one of the luckiest people alive... and it also makes me realize how wonderful it would be to create a child that would be a piece of him.

Anyway, I guess I'm feeling a little better about everything overall... and it probably didn't hurt to see Bryan Adams in concert last night.

See, Bryan Adams *literally* saved my life over 20 years ago when I was an angry and sad teenager on the verge of ending the angst once and for all. Bryan's Into the Fire album was released around that time and the title song was one that kept me going, making me feel that my angst was something more "normal" and that I could get past it.

I listened to that album and that title song over and over and over again. It was as if he was singing it to me. Shortly after the release of his album, it was announced that he would be coming in concert - July 18, 1987. I had to live through the sadness, the emptiness, the anger until then. And that's exactly what I did.

So it was almost apropos that Bryan Adams would be in concert less than week after my D&C. I've been waiting for this day since May (when I got the tickets) and it was so worth it. While I've learned to be able to deal with my stress in a manner so that suicide doesn't even enter my mind like it did when I was 15 and hated everything, it was still nice seeing Bryan last night... like a tight hug that I was needing.


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