Sunday, August 17, 2008


Yesterday was a boring day for us, for me. Very boring. Didn't do a heck of a whole lot of anything. Took a nap. Watched a Lifetime movie. Made some cookies to bring today. Ate a lot of shit.

Today we have to go check in on my friends cats and then go visit with my crazy aunt S (CAS) and her kids who are visiting from Europe. They're staying with my grandma and my mom about an hour away from us. I'm not really looking forward to the visit because I hate being judged by my weight and I'm certain that if no comments are verbally said, they'll be thought of at least. Blah. And then with my new hair, I'm sure it will cause some comments... I just hope they all stay away from the Carrot Top comments.

I'm just not a social person apparently. The other day when I was getting my hair chopped, I barely spoke. What's there to say, really? I had never met these people before and I'm just not a people person... and I can't pretend that I am, either. Then my friend who set up the hair appointment arrived and she and my hairstylist and others jabbered on and on. How do they do it? I've always been envious of people who could ... communicate ... with one another when not really knowing each other.

Stupid, I know. I KNOW!

The saddest thing is that this is how I am even when I do know people. I don't talk much at all. It never really matters anyway so what the fuck is the point?

Boy do I have issues.

So my CAS. For a while there I thought that people in my family were repeating the lives of the older generation. For example, I saw my sister repeating my mother's life almost to a T, and my brother repeating my father's life. So who's life am I repeating? CAS. That's what I used to think because she didn't end up getting married until her 30s and she didn't have her first child until close to 40. And that's where I am. But she's also gone a little crazy over the past several years. She even had to be in the hospital for several weeks and was apparently diagnosed with being bipolar. Fantastic!

While I have my issues and while I'm not always the happiest person in the world, to date, I don't feel as if my emotions are so erratic to be that of someone with bipolar.

Who knows, though.


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