Sunday, August 10, 2008


I've been having very memorable dreams again - sort of like I did when I was pregnant.

Last night I dreamed that S and I were no longer together but I ran into him and he wanted to show me something at his place. So I went to his place, which was the upper flat of a two level. The lower level was his mom and she had died. (In reality his parents and brother all live together are alive and kicking.) We went up the stairs and entered the place and it was a mess. I told him that it seems as if nothing had changed.

We walked through the tiny kitchen - which literally held only a fridge and a stove across from it - and into a bedroom with clothes and shit all over the floor. There was a bunch of noise coming from a TV that was left on.

And then there was this baby with big brown eyes and this goofy looking cap. He wasn't walking quite yet. He looked up at me and I was appalled and yelled at S for leaving the baby home all alone all day long while he worked. I picked up the baby and started crying because I knew that once I picked up the baby, I would be suckered back into S's life just so I could take care of the adorable, big-eyed, brown-eyed baby with the goofy cap. I cried as the baby burrowed its head into the nook of my neck and got comfy. There was nothing more I wanted than to hold onto him forever.

The next thing I knew, the baby had grown up and was walking and talking and was an ass of a kid... he then ended up turning into my real life nephew.

Now the dream, all of a sudden, was all about my nephew and the horrible place he was in - both physically and mentally. I dreamed that I confronted him and told him that I had proof (which in real life, I actually do) that he smoked pot in front of his mother. I told him that I couldn't support him anymore because it was clear that he was content with where he was in life - nowhere - and that he had no desire to change anything. He sat there the whole time and just looked at me, saying nothing. I asked him if he would leave if someone could better his life and he said that he absolutely would, that that is what he was waiting for. He wanted me to take him with me so that he could clean up his life.

But I couldn't because it would ruin the relationship I have with S.

I haven't told S about these dreams. I don't think I would want to know if he dreamed that our life had drastically changed and we weren't together... even though by the end of my dream, we were because of the situation with my nephew.

Strangeness. I hate when I dream dreams that stick with me for days... usually I end up experiencing a bit of Deja Vu about the same things later in life.


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