Sunday, January 25, 2009

PMS? Or losing my mind?

Warning: The following post may contain some nasty language.

I have a killer headache.
And occasional cramps.
And constant motherfucking irritability.

But I still don't have my motherfucking period and I've taken three motherfucking HPT's and all have come back Negative.


This is day 33 of my cycle. My average is about 27 days. This is the longest cycle since the first one following my d&c in late July. I can't take much more of the irritability. My husband can't take much more of it.

Give me my fucking period or a BFP already!

Dear lord, I was supposed to go to a baby shower today for a group of friends on the internet. I never said I would go, but still, I should've gone. How the fuck can I when it's for like seven pregnant girls? I mean, it's hard enough to go to a baby shower for one girl; I can't fathom going to one for more than one girl. Yes, everyone else around me is pregnant but me. I get it. I don't need to fucking submerge myself in that. Sure I'm being selfish, but oh the fuck well. I'm not going to put myself in a place where I will most likely revert back to my ugly days (following the d&c). Gah, and with the way I'm feeling today - like I could rip off someone's limbs as if they were a barbie doll - I'm thinking it's a good thing I never said I'd go. Can you imagine? Wow, I can. I think it would be the thing to put me over the edge.

Anyway. Yeah. Been avoiding this post like the plague all week because I was hoping for AF or a BFP by now. But neither have come and I have to get this shit out of me once and for all.



Angie said...

::hugs:: I'm so sorry Christina. I can't even imagine how hard it is for you. I don't think anyone will fault you for not going.

Kim said...

Hey hon, just take care of yourself and anybody that is a real friend will understand.

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