Friday, January 30, 2009

My cousin's wife responded to the email I inadvertently sent her instead of my other cousin. I knew she'd be cool with it and very understanding and she was. She told me not to feel bad or sad or embarrassed and she proceeded to give me her stats with all of her losses. She has seven babies in heaven. :( And one miracle child. :)

I responded back and confessed to my pregnancy, loss, and d&c and she's glad the door has now been opened.

Stephen just called to check on me and when I told him about my cousin's wife, he said, "You should be glad that so many people care about you." He didn't say it sarcastically; he said it in a way to make me feel better.

Instead, the tears started flowing.

"I do," I managed to whisper through the tears. "That's just it. I'm so incredibly blessed in so many ways..." I had to stop to focus on breathing for a moment.

"...except for One way," I whispered. "And it's that one thing that makes me so angry and takes away from all things I should feel blessed about."

"I love you," he said. "I wish you weren't having such a bad week."

I just really need Flo to show. (And yes, I tested again this morning with a digital: BFN. CD38)


kathleen said...

I hope this week is better for you.
My heart just broke reading the last few posts.

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