Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sunday, bloody Sunday?

I got out of the shower a little bit ago and was moisturizing the old face and noticed how tired I look. I then smiled, trying to use some PMA (positive mental attitude) to look more 'alive'. That's when all the lines under my eyes appeared.

I'm getting old. There's no mistaking it.

I know they're just wrinkles and it's what's on the inside that counts... but then I think about how I'm *still* not a mom yet and boy does it kinda bring me down.

I've been tracking on excel my cycles and I had yesterday's box in pink because I thought maybe I'd get my period. Nope. I ran in the bathroom all day checking. There were several times I was cramping like it was coming but nothing. My boobs aren't really sore either. Strange, that. I'm trying not to get too excited because I really don't think our timing was there this cycle... but I didn't think it was timed good the cycle I got my BFP either. So who knows. Oh wait, I know! Duh!

I thought about my cycles and such and I'm not really sure why I had yesterday as the day I should get my period. That was only day 25 of this cycle. Stupid.

Basically if I don't get AF by February, then I might have something to think about.

All this has made me realize that I miss tracking my morning temps and stuff. There was no guesswork when I took my temps. Either it was still high and I was still in the 2WW or it dropped signifying AF... or, like in July, it got a bit higher and higher and never dropped! Boy was that exciting... waking up every morning after the BFP to see my temps were still up, making me believe more and more that my dreams were coming true. I was so insanely excited. I had a constant smile on my face. I enjoyed the constant peeing, the horrendously sore boobs, the occasional cramping. I loved it all because I was finally going to be a Mom.

Blech, enough of that.

Yeah so I'm realizing more and more that it's time to get back with the true tracking of it all. As much as it was nice not to have to freak out about the timing of everything and have baby on the brain 24/7, it just hasn't been cutting it. I'd rather know for sure if and when AF is coming.


Kim said...

Sorry, but I LOL'd at your wrinkles comment, too bad positive thinking can't make those suckers go away!

I think charting/temping will be good b/c I'm sure you are thinking about TTC all the time even when you try to tell yourself you aren't. This way it's more clear cut and so much less confusing (well, kinda). Hopefully you won't even have to temp next month though! :)

AMG_2007 said...

Don't worry - when you have your baby, and he becomes a toddler, and then a capricious middle schooler - you'll only have more wrinkles.

Hang in there hon! I think charting will help, and I'm praying for you.

Anonymous said...

It's great that you are temping again!

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