Monday, January 12, 2009

Monday Musings

I'm not too thrilled right now.

I have cramps. :(


I'm on CD21. I'll probably be getting AF next week. I cannot believe I've been getting it now for 25 years. That's insane. I need a break from AF. I need to get pregnant and stay pregnant so I don't have to have her disrupt my life for a year or so. If that's not a reason to get ktfu, I don't know what is! ;) :D

The only bright side to getting AF this cycle is that I talked to S and he's on board with buying either digital OPK sticks or an actual monitor. I'm guessing we'll go with the digital sticks next cycle. And since he's on board, he can fork over the money and therefore cannot give me the "too much pressure" excuse for boinking me when I'm ovulating. ;)

In other news, I think my dad wants to be granddaddy to one of our kids. Sigh. He's been making little comments here and there. Last week when we were eating dinner at his place and were ready to leave, he said, "Why? You have to go home and take care of the kids?" S and I both ignored his comment because it's usually best to do so rather than get into an argument over the fact that he's "old and just has to say what's on [his] mind." Our ignoring didn't go off so well and he said it again and quickly added, "I mean your cats?!"

Of course I can be reading more into it than what's actually meant, but I don't think I am. I've got a pretty good read on people.

The other day at a hockey game, we were sitting in front of a mom with her two little ones - about 3 and 1. They were adorable and very well behaved. My dad kept elbowing me to "look how cute" the kids were and every time I felt my stomach churn. He has no idea how badly I want to be a mom.... how much I look forward to his pride and joy when he can hold another grandchild.... how terrified I am that he may be too old to enjoy it when/if we finally have a child.

It's kind of sad because I want to tell him that I was pregnant but lost the baby, but I don't think he'll 'get' it and frankly, I have no desire to explain it. And I sure as hell do not want to hear, "Oh well, it'll happen again" or "Well better luck next time." And knowing my dad, I can pretty much guarantee a stupid comment like that.


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