Thursday, March 12, 2009


The past couple of days, today included, have been a bit overwhelming for me. Like a test of sorts.

Or something.

You know how when you're ready and willing to buy a new car and instantly there seems to be a million cars on the road similar to the one you want to buy? And all of a sudden, commercial after commercial appears on the tellie and radio regarding that car? That's how it is when you decide you want to have a baby, too. All of a sudden, there are babies and pregnant mommas everywhere.

I can honestly say the past year and a half have been like that - babies and baby bumps (and mountains) everywhere. Some days seem to be worse than others, but the past several days have been exceptionally bad.

The other night I met up with some gal pals for dinner. Not only were two (of the 8 total) pregnant, but another was a mom already. And of course, conversation came up more than once regarding pregnancy, regarding being a mom. It's a part of life after all. We sat and ate and chatted and chatted and chatted for several hours and in that time, I lost track of the number of moms and kids that came to eat. And several momma's to be, too.

I don't really know what my point is. It's just ... hard sometimes. And I hate that it's hard sometimes. It shouldn't be so hard to smile when someone talks lovingly about their gifts. It shouldn't be so hard to be happy to hear news that someone else is pregnant, that someone else just became a mom. But it is sometimes.

Yesterday I had a brief meeting with my supervisor regarding goals for the year. Before we started he asked how I was doing and if I was sleeping any better since I've had to call in late or all together on more than one occasion in the past couple months due to insomnia. I told him I was sleeping much better these days and that it seems to go in spurts. And while I talked, I watched the slide show on his computer of his life: him, his wife, his 2 boys, his 1 girl, their dog.

Then he said, "Yeah, once we had kids, I learned how to adapt to little sleep."

Good for you, I wanted to say. Instead, I said, "At least you have an excuse for not sleeping though."

I wanted to cry but held it together just fine.



I'm so fortunate that we're moving. I'm so fortunate that we've spent the past month spending all of our free time looking at apartments. I'm so fortunate to have been able to focus on something other than the thing I normally focus on... but now that the place has been chosen and all that's left is to move, I'm left thinking about too many other things again.

And that just sucks big hairy pimply hairy balls sometimes.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad moving and starting that new chapter has kept you busy, though it will never clearly take your mind off everything

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