Friday, March 13, 2009

About last night

I think I had a bit of a nervous breakdown last night after I learned my Oma had been in a car accident... I was so caught off guard (possibly because I learned the day after it happened and via email), that I just couldn't get it out of my thoughts and I almost immediately started to cry.

And once I started to cry, I couldn't stop.
I cried and cried and cried. I cried so much I couldn't breathe.

I was going to call S but I knew he was in the car and didn't want him to be concerned because I wouldn't have been able to speak through the tears anyway. When he came home, he called me to move the car and upon saying "Hello?" immediately asked me what was wrong.
I whaled and he hung up the cell phone and immediately came up the stairs and asked me what was wrong, opened his arms and I just latched on and cried.

I just couldn't stop crying as I couldn't get the thought of losing Oma out of my head. Not last night, not today, not tomorrow.

I can't lose her. I know it's incredibly selfish, but I just cannot lose her.

Today is another day. And while I'm still quite upset about this, I realize that my ... breakdown ... was not only a result of being scared about my Oma, and realizing that she is not immortal, but it was a sign that I needed to release my feelings once and for all (yet again)...

Oh dear god will this ever get any fucking easier?!?!?!


Kim said...

Can you give her a call? I bet she would love to hear your voice and visa versa!

chic chicago chick said...

You have a lot on your plate right now. I think a visit with Oma is in order!

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