Monday, March 2, 2009

March 2009

This should've been the month welcoming our first born into the world. But it won't be happening. Instead, we'll be busy searching for a new place to hang our hat, packing, and moving. Thank GOD we'll at least be busy... if I had jack shit to do this month but think about what should be happening, I'm sure it would be just enough to put me over the edge once and for all.

I can't lie. I'm pretty sad about things again. I'm just so tired of who I've become most days. It saddens me greatly. I was finally in a place in my life where I was living life and loving it. My 30s have been the best years of my life, after all. But then I got pregnant and lost the baby and had to have her surgically removed and my life completely changed.

Now I'm just so bitter. And angry. And sad.

Meanwhile, life around me continues moving forward.

And I'm left wanting to move forward so badly - and just when I think I'm back to being Me and moving forward, I revert back to that bitter woman who can only focus on what she doesn't have.

And that just sucks. And I'm not sure how to change it.


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