Wednesday, September 17, 2008


When I was younger and old enough to start thinking about being a parent one day, I originally didn't want to become one. I thought that there was no way I could bring a child into this world only for him to feel what I felt growing up. But as time progressed and nephews and nieces were brought into my world, I began to truly appreciate the gift that a child really is and I began to think about my future as a Mom. Some days I would want it more than others and as the years progressed even more, the yearning turned more into a definite need.

I need to be a Mom.

That need led me to start thinking about Adoption. And for years now I always thought that I would definitely consider adopting should I not be able to have a child of my own.

But why do I have to wait to "make sure" that there's no hope for birthing a child from own womb? Why do all the websites I visit talk about people deciding to adopt because they're infertile? I realize that many people do choose adoption as a last straw, but why?

I don't want to wait anymore. I'm tired of waiting. I don't want to go through another miscarriage and another surgery. I don't want to get pregnant again only to find out some horrific news. I don't want to go months and months and months without getting pregnant before they start testing or whatever they're going to do. I don't want to endure all that infertile shit.

If I can have a child biologically – fantastic; but why do I have to ensure that I cannot have a biological child before considering adoption? Why can't we just adopt now and play the rest by ear?

Financially, it's not a good idea. We're not poor, but I really do not think we could afford two children right now. Not at the same time. I mean if we had to, of course we'd figure something out - but it wouldn't be easy. But what the hell in life is?

So I've been throwing around Adoption to S lately and he's not too keen on the idea, I don't think.

I remember when we first started dating; we had "the talk" about wanting children, etc. I felt like my clock was ticking extremely fast back then and didn't want to beat around the bush. Fortunately we were both on the same page with both agreeing to want to have children. I also remember a talk about adoption back then, too. And I distinctly remember him saying that he didn't think he wanted to go that route, that he really wanted to have a child of "his own" and if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be.

But, of course, I didn’t think having a child would be a difficult process – especially when every single woman in my family has had multiple children. Yet here we are 8 1/2 years later and we still don't have a child (though we’ve only been really trying for nine months). And here I am at 36, having gotten pregnant but also having to have a D&C.

If there's one thing I've learned from my recent ... shit ... it’s that I just want to be a Mom. It truly does not matter to me whether or not that child comes from my womb or not. I just want to be a Mom.

And that's what I told S the other day when I brought up the Adoption subject.

Of course, he wants to keep trying the old fashioned way and insists that I’ll get pregnant again soon and that everything will work out fine… and while a part of me is sure he’s right, a bigger part of me still wants to adopt and say FUCK IT to the baby making process. There are so many babies out there that need a home and are in desperate need for a parent right now! And I desperately want to be a parent yet here I sit waiting and waiting and waiting for my time to come.

I know it’s still early. I just had the surgery a month and a half ago. Chances are pretty good (I believe) that I will get pregnant again and then I’m sure everything will be perfect and I’ll have a baby and I’ll become a mom and live happily ever after…

But until then, I’m still going to keep my eye on adoption. It can’t hurt, right? Well, not anymore than not being a mom hurts.

Yep, I’m gonna keep my eyes on blogs like these - and - and try to better understand the whole process of adoption… just in case. And from what I can tell, it seems like there’s more African American newborns available here in the US – and at a “cheaper” expense. And since we’re an interracial couple, maybe our chance to adopt quicker is greater than others?!

I don’t know. I’m just thinking out loud.

But I would love to hear any stories or advice or anything if you have any – regarding adoption. And if you’d rather not discuss in a comment, let me know and maybe we can exchange emails.


Espresso Mom said...

I know nothing of adoption, but I think it's a wonderful idea. Depending on where this path you are travelling takes you, have you thought about surrogacy?
PS. I know you'll make a GREAT mom (no matter how that baby finds it's way to your family)!

katd said...

Hi:) I just saw that you linked my blog, and I'm so flattered. If you ever want to talk adoption, I'm your girl:) It took us awhile to get to where we were ready to let go of TTC and look toward adoption. I can say without an ounce of doubt that I wouldn't change one single thing. All of the crap and the hurt led me eventually to my daughter who is my child as much any child is any mother's. Keep in touch and email me if you want ( if you want to talk away from the blogs. Good luck!! :)

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