A BLOG-related decision

I'm a pretty private person and that's mainly because I have major trust issues. Most people that know me, know this. That said, when it came to this blog, I didn't want it to be private. This is the second blog that's completely me... but really, it's just an extension of the first blog - the BFP blog. Anyway, in the past, I've always blogged my thoughts and whatnot, but I changed names and locations and never revealed *anything* that could be related back to it belonging to me... I'm not aiming to hurt anyone after all. My purpose when blogging is therapeutic.

Enough rambling though.

My point to this post is to let you, the reader (like all three of you), know that I'm going private.

I thought of going private about a month ago when a buttload of internet peeps and myself got into a tiff, but decided against it because ... well, because this is my blog and there's information here, particularly about dealing with miscarriage and loss and grieving, that I *want* to share with people who need a glimpse into something like that.

But I think I'm done with all that.

It was cool while it lasted, but I'm done. I can either create a brand new blog and make that one private or falsify like others in the past or I could make this one private. I'm not starting over so I'm choosing the latter.

If you want to continue to read, please just subscribe by following the directions provided by blogger once I make the change. If you're just a nosey lurker, fuck you.

Cheerio.

Changing things up a bit.

When I created this blog, I did so to clear my head and cleanse my heart after suffering a "missed abortion." I didn't want the anger and ugliness that came over me to invade the wonderfulness that filled my previous blog.

Well it's been nearly four months since, and while I use this blog as a crutch of sorts at times, I think it's time to change things up. I want to say more. I want to reach more people if I can. I want this place to be a place that people come to and leave feeling like they have a better understanding of early pregnancy loss, rather than leave feeling sad or pity (or disgust or whatever) for me. I want this to be more than just about me.

I've learned so much over the past four months... about early pregnancy loss, about empathy vs. apathy, about sorrow, pain, sadness, grief, mourning.

I've learned that early pregnancy loss isn't so uncommon.

I've learned that many women who suffer an early pregnancy loss have nowhere to really turn.

I've learned that others who haven't experienced an early pregnancy loss really don't know how to react.

I've learned that people have questions and a lot of them.

I've learned that people deal with loss in different ways.

I've learned so, so much that I just wasn't aware of before all of this happened and I'm wondering why I wasn't aware of it. I am a woman; I am a compassionate, nurturing woman yet prior to my own loss, I really was clueless as to what it was like to endure a pregnancy loss or how to respond to someone who suffered a loss. And I think that sucks!

I just want to do something more with this blog than throw a big pity party for myself… after all, I know I’m not alone in this but I didn’t always believe that.

Another day

...another headache. Poop!

It'll go away though.

Anyway, today is not about feeling bad or sad or angry. Nope, today is going to be about A) not having to go into work (hoorah!), and B) trying to make a big change.

I'm hoping to find someone to take my head from this:

to something like this:

But instead of stick straight, it'll be a curly, moppy mess!

I just want a change. And I want it now. So please let someone out there want to take on this head of curls today.