About sex

We've been together for 8.5 years.
We're in our 30s.
We only have sex once, maybe twice a month.
I used to be bothered by that because I really, really enjoy sex.
Since the D and C, however, I've noticed that I don't care for sex the way I used to.
It doesn't bother me that we don't have sex too often.
And when we do have sex, I do not enjoy it. I can't seem to orgasm anymore.
I'm not sure if it's in my head or if it's because of the surgery.
I haven't revealed this to my husband because I don't want him to think I don't like sex with him anymore.
I hope I start liking it again soon.

The weekend

About yesterday's post: mission accomplished!

It was a little odd to be honest. It's been almost two months since we've last had sex and only a week and a half since the D&C... I'm guessing that's where the "oddness" came from. While I bled the day of the D&C, I haven't since that day. But I have spotted nearly every day. And while I hadn't spotted much yesterday or this morning, I did immediately following our "love session." (God, I'm such a dork!) And it was a spotting with fucking bits which really disturbs me because I'm guessing it's dried blood from the D&C.

Gross!

Last night when I got home, I plopped my fat ass in front of the TV. S was stopping over at some family on his way home, so it was just me and Tori and Dean for a couple of hours. I really like the show. It's entertaining and cute and their little Liam seems so fucking happy. I cried watching last night's shows. I cried and cried. Liam was so happy and giddy and Tori and Dean are so madly in love with him and each other! Then there was the episode where Tori gave birth to their new little bundle, Stella. And I cried and cried.

She was so elated over the fact that she was 35 and had a perfect husband, a perfect son, and now a perfect daughter.

I can totally understand her elation. Hopefully I'll have my own little family by 37.

Sexually frustrated

I need to have sex.

That is all.

This morning

...I'm feeling a little off again - not horrible, just a little off my game.

I've noticed that I stopped caring about what I put in my mouth again. Okay, boy can that be misread. By "what I put in my mouth" I'm referring to food. See, when I was pregnant, I was able to eat super healthy - and had no problem doing so. I didn't get to the point where I craved sweets or anything bad. In fact, I very rarely had sweets because I just didn't want it. Instead, I ate really balanced meals and kept everything super healthy and didn't overindulge. It was perfect - and it was something I should have done a long time ago.

But now I'm back to not caring; now I'm back to eating whatever the fuck I want to. Yesterday, for example, I had a McDonald's Sausage Biscuit meal with and iced coffee for breakfast; a BBQ beef sandwich, fries and a regular coke for lunch; and a grilled cheese and potato chips for dinner. WTF is that? That's like what a 10 year old would eat!

My husband's not too thrilled with my need for coffee again. As soon as I got pregnant, I stopped the caffeine just like that... I didn't even suffer from any withdrawal headaches or anything. And now I'm back to getting my morning cup of iced coffee and the only reason I get it is cuz I can.

Yeah so I think my issues with food is why I'm feeling off this morning. So now that I'm owning it, I'm hoping to change it. No, I *will* change it. While I do have an iced coffee right now, my lunch is a ham sandwich on wheat with pretzels and olives that I packed from home. I wanted to lose weight before I got pregnant last time and didn't so here's my chance to do it before the next time I get knocked up.

And speaking of getting knocked up... I cannot wait to have sex again! It's been nearly two months since we've last done the deed and dear lord do I *need* to get laid. Before leaving this morning, I laid on Stephen to give him kissed goodbye (he's still in bed when I leave) and told him how I wanted to do him right then and there; he agreed. But I was fully dressed and had to get going to work... Fucking work.